A Year Ago Today ...

I was holding my baby daughter in my arms for the very first time.
















My sweet girl! What a year!

Anna surprised everyone by being breech (necessitating a c-section) and being a girl. Practically everyone's predictions had been for a boy, except for my friend Jamie (who never wavered!) and a random stranger at the Y who cheerfully announced to me while we were walking around the track that I was going to have a little girl. That the baby was a boy seemed a foregone conclusion. So, when the doctors finally got around to telling us we'd had a girl (we had to ask!) all I could think of was "Girl? It's a girl? Really?"

Of course my maternity leave flew by too quickly. I was lucky to be able to work it out to stay home with Anna for five months. The weather cooperated by staying relatively mild and allowing us to more easily leave the house for walks and for trips to the mall. I held Anna as much as I could, we snuggled whenever we could snuggle and I tried not to obsess about her sleeping, eating, and developmental benchmarks and just tried to go with the flow of the schedule Anna set. I'd hoped to breastfeed for six months and was proud when we made it past eight.

I thought I would keep better track of the times Anna ate and slept but the nights especially became a blur. I'd roll out of bed while the rest of the house continued sleeping and try to keep Anna's little ice cube hands away from my bare skin while I fed her, changed her, and rocked her back to sleep. When she was teeny tiny, the second time she'd wake up at night I'd bring her back to bed with me and she'd sleep on my chest. We were constant companions.

Eventually Anna became more her own little person and began doing all the things I looked forward to as signs of her growth--smiling, rolling over, playing with toys, sleeping more at night and less during the day, growing out of her clothes. As soon as she consistently slept through the night she began to get her teeth and eating cereal and baby foods. She went along on shopping trips, restaurants, Saskia's gymnastics meet, visits with friends and family. Soon I'd hear about the funny little things that happened with her at her daycare and notice her little clothes showing wear and tear from playing with her friends. Now she giggles and claps and lets out a little shriek of excitement when she notices we are headed toward the swings at the park, or when she's about to get get a special toy or see her beloved older sister.

Certainly nothing in this experience of motherhood is unique to me. Today is a day for me to stop, reflect, and look back on this year and recognize the experience for the care and the work and the joy that it was, and vow once again to slow down as much as possible so I can continue to enjoy the experience of being a mom.

And what can I say about Anna?

Why do birds suddenly appear
Every time you are near?
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you.

Why do stars fall down from the sky
Every time you walk by?
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you.

On the day that you were born the angels got together
And decided to create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moondust in your hair
And golden sunlight in your eyes of blue!

That is why all the kids in town
Follow you all around
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you!

Just like me, they long to be
Close to you!

I adore my little girl, I'm very proud to be her mommy!! Happy Birthday, Sweetie!